Conquering a Pandemic-Ingoglia Style!
It is so hard to write this particular story because there are so many people around the world who have been effected by the corona virus that I don’t even know where to begin. At the same time I am so honored that this couple is letting me share their experience with you. Their experience through these hard times gives me hope for the many couples that are finding themselves having to cancel or postpone what is supposed to be one of the biggest and happiest day of their lives-their wedding. Please read on to experience the journey of two law school students who made the decision to elope and how they triumphed through with the love and support of their family and friends.
What was your first reaction when you heard about the Coronavirus? Did you think it would impact your wedding at all when it first hit national news?
Alex: At first, I didn’t think it was going to impact us at all. In fact, I was just watching the news to see if we were going to move to virtual law school for a couple weeks. I really didn’t get worried about the wedding until our law school graduations were canceled. At that point, we started seriously talking about postponing the wedding. We eventually made the call to postpone to August, thinking that there’s no way weddings in August won’t happen. Clearly that wasn’t the case either!
Brooke: I remember laughing about the prospect of going to virtual school. It was the buzz of the whole law school leading up to spring break. I didn’t even think about our wedding at the time, because this was all supposed to blow over by April (or so we thought). It wasn’t until mid-March when I started to fully realize the ramifications of the virus. Alex and I were in Atlanta, house hunting, when they first started issuing state of emergencies and shutting down businesses. We were really scared when they cancelled our flight home a few hours before it was supposed to take off because they were closing down Midway airport because of a Coronavirus infection. I remember rushing to get home and Alex asking me about our wedding. I immediately was upset because I couldn’t imagine a world where we didn’t get married on May 23rd. I had been planning this day for almost 8 months at this point. After they cancelled our law school graduations, I slowly came to the realization that we might not be able to get married in the way we had planned. Additionally, our RSVP deadline approached, and we only received 1/4 of the RSVP’s back. I realized that even if we had the wedding as planned, it wouldn’t be the day we had been planning.
What were you guys feeling when you found out that your wedding would have to be canceled or postponed?
Alex: We had a really hard time with making the decision to even postpone, let alone cancel. For us, having a wedding on 5/23 was crucial. We were supposed to graduate law school on the weekend of 5/16, and our Bar exam studies were supposed to start the following Monday. We figured we could get away with delaying the studies a week for the wedding, but we couldn’t delay any more than a week. Additionally, we didn’t want to move in together until we were married, so we didn’t want to wait until after the Bar exam. I was really bummed because I felt like we weren’t going to get to live together while we studied for the Bar, since we wouldn’t be married in May. I just wanted to be married to the love of my life as soon as possible!
Brooke: I was absolutely distraught leading up to the decision. I kept trying to put it off in hopes that things would be better. Slowly, everything around me was getting cancelled. First my bachelorette, then my bridal shower, and finally my law school graduation. I reached a point where I knew it was going to be inevitable. My sister-in-law gave me great advice in telling me that all her friends that had postponed felt a huge weight off their shoulders after they made the decision. She could not have been more right. After we officially postponed, I felt freed. I had peace knowing we were protecting the vulnerable people in our lives and the emotions I had had previously seemed to dissipate a bit. I still get sad thinking about the day we were supposed to have, but I have a lot of peace that we made the right decision.
Did you receive any guidance from any of your wedding vendors and if you did, did you feel any form of comfort knowing that you had a support team ready to jump in anyway possible?
Alex: Absolutely. Most all of our vendors (including y’all!) reached out with so much help and support. We were so lucky that we spent so much time in the forefront picking the right vendors, because we’re not sure how we would have gotten through this with anyone else!
Brooke: Our wedding vendors were amazing! We made the decision early in an effort to book them for our postponement. They were so cooperative and supportive! They cried with us, laughed with us, gave us advice, and gave us hope. It made us feel so comforted to know we had chosen such amazing vendors. Truly, we could not be more blessed by all of you that walked beside us during this decision-making process. Even when we ultimately decided to cancel our wedding, we were supported and loved.
Walk us through how the decision to elope came about and who or what helped in making that decision come to fruition?
Alex: It was really a team effort. Brooke and I knew that we had to do what was best for us and our families, while considering the health of our guests and the impending Bar exam. When we decided that we at least had to postpone to August, we started thinking about whether we wanted to have a private ceremony before that. Again, it was really important to us and our religious faith that we wait until we’re married to move in together. Totally not judging or thinking poorly upon anyone that chooses to live together before they’re married, but it was something that we decided together. Additionally, to us, the marriage was more important than the wedding. Combining these two factors, we decided that we’d do a private ceremony and then a big celebration with everyone. We went to our parents for their thoughts and advice. They were all extremely supportive. Brooke’s dad, who’s a Pastor and was our officiant, suggested that we elope on 4/18. That date worked because we were supposed to have Brooke’s bridal shower that day, so our families already had that weekend saved on our calendars. Then the Brady’s offered up their living room and it was all smooth sailing from there!
Brooke: It was honestly so exciting! When we made the decision to postpone, my dad suggested that we go ahead and get married. Everyone already had flights to come in for my bridal shower, so we already had a weekend ready. Alex and I were absolutely giddy about the prospective of being married sooner. We had a few hurdles to jump (i.e. marriage license, flowers, photographer, etc.), but it came together so effortlessly. My parents were selling their house in Iowa, so we could set up the living room however we wanted. Alex’s parents had found a tux on sale in the fall and spontaneously bought it. My dress alterations were completed right before the stay at home orders. Iowa had figured out how to issue remote/no-contact marriage licenses. My florist offered to help us with flowers. My father was a pastor and could officiate. I had a great relationship with my brother’s wedding photographer, and her day was cleared because of COVID. The list goes on and on. In a couple of short weeks, we put everything together and planned the most spectacular and intimate day.
What was your favorite part about eloping?
Alex: I think the best part about it was the intimacy. With less than 15 people there, we really got to spend quality time with everyone there. Obviously we wish that everyone in our families, like our grandparents and all our siblings, could have been there, but we really made the best out of the situation!
Brooke: My favorite part of eloping was our refocus from the wedding to the marriage. It didn’t matter what color of linens we had or what up-lighting the DJ was going to provide. It was just about Alex and I. It was so effortless and beautiful. From the start of the day to the end, it was just special. My brother and sister-in-law cooked my grandma’s secret spaghetti recipe for dinner, the same recipe that was served at my grandparent’s wedding and my parent’s rehearsal dinner. I was able to do my sister’s hair and makeup the morning of the wedding and just relax with my family. You can’t have those moments when you are rushing around trying to host 350 guests. Walking down my little living room make-shift aisle to the love of my life was better than anything I could have ever imagined. It was something I will truly never forget and will cherish forever.
Would you recommend it to the other brides that are battling with the decision to postpone?
Alex: I think that it’s a very personal decision based on the couple. For Brooke and I, it made sense and it couldn’t have worked out better. Some of my friends postponed for a whole year, and I understand why they’d do that. At the end of the day, though, I will say: I wanted a 500 person, huge, blowout wedding; but the elopement we had exceeded every one of my wedding expectations.
Brooke: I would absolutely do it again and recommend it whole-heartedly. I know other people will have a variety of factors to consider and this may not be the right fit for them, but for Alex and I, we could not have picked a better way to start life together. We took vows for better or worse and have already walked through so many trials because of this virus. We feel stronger as husband and wife. We have felt so supported and loved during this process. It has been an extraordinary experience and a story for the ages. I can’t wait to tell our kids someday about it. For us, it was all about being married and we are so blessed to start life together, for better or for worse.
Is there anything new that you discovered about your spouse going through this whole situation that you didn’t know before?
Alex: I always knew that Brooke was a planner and very organized, but the way that she handled this craziness with all the grace and poise in the world truly amazed me. Her optimism and joy were contagious, and we couldn’t have had the amazing experience that we had if it wasn’t for my wonderful bride!
Brooke: This whole situation showed me his resilience in tough times. Alex was so strong through it all and made me feel like we could get through anything. He lifted me up when I was down and encouraged me when I felt stuck. Alex was truly my rock through it all and made me feel seen, loved, and heard. Because of this, I know we can get through anything and will carry each other through no matter what life throws at us.
Is there any advice or words of encouragement that you would give couples that are facing the decision of postponing their wedding?
Alex: All I’d say is that, because you’re with the love of your life, whatever you decide to do will be perfect for you.
Brooke: Remember what this day is about—you and your spouse. All that matters at the end of the day is your love for each other and love truly conquers all. You will get through this, and you will be stronger because of it.
Wrapping up, I think you guys are amazing and brave and I can tell that you guys truly look for the silver lining and happiness in everything by making a scary and unknown situation into something beautiful and so loving and hopeful. Looking back, what would you say was the funniest, hardest, and most memorable moment you have had from this experience?
Alex: I think the funniest moment was adjusting our honeymoon plans from a couple’s resort in Antigua to a Marriott in West Des Moines, Iowa! The hardest moment was definitely missing our grandparents and siblings that couldn’t be at the ceremony (but we had them on Zoom!). The most memorable, by far, was watching my gorgeous bride walk down our makeshift aisle in her childhood living room, surrounding by our families and knowing our friends were living the moment with us from afar through Zoom.
Brooke: Funniest- Alex and I had to switch our honeymoon from Antigua to the West Des Moines, Iowa Marriott. We thought this was hilarious and laugh about it constantly still. Hardest- The hardest moment from this experience was telling our vendors we were cancelling our postponed wedding (August 22nd). Alex and I are both law school graduates and taking the bar in August because it was postponed from its original July date. After it was postponed, we knew having a wedding two weeks before the biggest test of our lives was not ideal. Additionally, Chicago was still expected to have pretty intense guidelines, so we were worried about everything falling apart all over again. We love our vendors so much, and it was devastating to tell them we were not going to be postponing as planned! Most memorable- I can’t pair this down, because there were so many great moments. Here’s a few:
1. Having my dad walk me down the aisle and then marrying Alex and I was incredible. We both cried so much during it. Alex and I have a tremendous relationship with my father, and we felt so loved during his sermon. Everyone on Zoom commented on how we couldn’t stop giggling during it. Even during our vows, we couldn’t take our eyes off each other- we were just so excited!
2. The toasts– since we had a smaller wedding, we were able to hear a lot more toasts than a normal wedding. First, Alex started the night with an INCREDIBLE toast. It was so beautiful. Then we had siblings give toasts, Alex’s father, and a family very special to me. I have babysat for this family since the kids were babies and they have a very special place in my heart. The youngest was diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy a few years ago and has since been put into a wheelchair. This has been emotional for all of us. Him and his brother sang “Can’t Help Falling in Love” during the toasts. Little did they know, this was also the song I walked down the aisle to that very day. It was so emotional- everyone was bawling. I can send you the video if you would like- it’s so moving!
3. Having my grandma’s spaghetti- A few years ago, I lost my grandma to cancer. I was so close to her. She taught me everything- how to sew, how to love other’s like Jesus, how to bake, etc. Every Christmas since I was a baby, she would make her family’s secret spaghetti recipe. The tradition is that you only get this recipe when you are married. Alex had the amazing idea to serve it at our elopement for our families. This was such a beautiful way to join our families together as one, share my family’s favorite tradition with his, and commemorate her legacy. I felt like she was there with us.
For any couples reading this that are going through the same thing, I hope Brooke and Alex’s story has bought you some comfort in knowing you are not alone in this situation or the decision process of “now what?” when it comes to having to postpone your wedding because of the virus. I hope their story brings you joy and sheds light on the fact that even through this virus, you have each other, you love each other, and this is just one storm that you will face together, but it is not permanent. Like every storm, this will pass and the rainbows will never stop shining through. Your day of happiness in marrying the love of your life will shine through. I know this is tough times and you might be struggling to hold everything together, but know that it’s ok to feel sad, to cry, to feel a little lost, but also remember to lean on each and to lift each other up. The most important thing to remember is the love you share together and the life you build together.
Photo Credit: Laura Wills Photography - Instagram - Facebook